No one prepared me for the hard parts of being a mom. Like the long nights when fevers spiked. I thought I'd be afraid of taking care of my child. Or really, not knowing what to do. But the hard part was knowing his little insides were hurting. No one told me how it would be hard to help my baby learn to eat. I was afraid she'd be hungry. That I might forget to feed her or give her the wrong foods too early. I never realized how terrified I'd be of her choking from the tiniest spec of food. And no one prepared me for how painful every hug would be knowing that there's only a limited number of times that little body will crawl into my lap and find the most peaceful solice in the world. I knew it would be hard for me to see my children off to school, but no one said a word about how painful it was to watch them feel like they're failing until each math and reading concept finally clicked. Of course I knew homework wouldn't be fun, but I had no idea that the hardest part would be letting them figure it out on their own. I want to give them every answer they struggle with. It feel cruel not to. But deep in my heart I know I'd be robbing them of a life altering skill. Ugh. The playground is rough the bus is a war zone. I knew all those things. But no one prepared me for hard it would be when my child didn't tell me what's happening yet I knew something was wrong because her behavior suddenly changed. Clinging to my leg, she'd sweet everything was fine. And on the flip side, I had no idea how hard it would be to hear everything that happened throughout the day, yet know it can't all be true. How can I make sure my child doesn't over embellish, exaggerate and lie through life? I never thought the hard part would be looking inside myself to see if this was a learned behavior that I'd bestowed upon them. Sports, yet another surprise. Of course I knew it would be hard to watch him loose a game, but I never knew how hard it would be if he didn't lose. I'd agonize over knowing that inevitably one day her little bubble would burst and the hard lesson of, "things don't always work out," would crush his big time dreams. Oh, snd never realized how painful every birthday party would be as it feels like the clock just ticked one step further away from me. And I never had a clue how much I loved the smell of Johnson's baby shampoo until the painful realization that those innocent bath days are bygones. Sometimes I look at my children's piles of dirty clothes and ache for them to be in them again. I want that day back. I never realized how hard it would be to know that my bad day might have tainted theirs. Can't I get a do-over? But most of all, no one told me how painful it is to love someone so purely and prepare him every second of every day to go out in the world and forage alone. If I could just stop the clock, if I could just capture the sweet scent of their breath, record the whimsical sounds of playing, taste all the salty tears and feel their little bodies meld into mine one more time...it still would not be enough. And that's the hardest part of all.
|
Welcome! I'm
|