I spend every day trying to teach my children ALL the ways to be a good person and get the most out of life. But at some point, it's all a crap shoot. They're going to absorb most, or all, or none. I hope they remember the hugs and smiles. But unfortunately they'll also remember the moments I lost my brain and they started looking for the house to drop on me (think wicked witch). What I can do is give them this list, which encapsulates the most important things I want for them. So maybe one day, when life feels like it's going sideways, they'll hear my words and find a new path.

1. Brush and floss every day.
Your teeth are not only a Petri dish for bacteria. They are a signal to others about how much you care about yourself, and they're the only set you get. No do-overs.

2. Do nice things for people, often.
If you can see someone needs a break, give them one. If you see someone needs help, offer it. If there's something you have that someone else desperately wants, get it for them. Doing these things for others will make you smile even more so than the person you do it for. It feels so wonderful to give.

3. Be on the lookout for time thieves.
Time is precious. Once it's gone, you can't get it back. So be on the lookout for people and activities that steal your precious time. It could be a party that you are dying to go to on a night you need to study for a test. Or a person you spend time with who isn't right for you. Or even a friend who has a negative influence on you. They're always out there.

4. Find your passion.
There's nothing more exhilarating than feeling passionate about something. Keep searching until you find your passion. Once you find it, explore it any way you can.

5. Learn how to be alone.
We fill our lives with friends and surround ourselves with family. We find partners and spouses and have children. But the truth is, we are all on our own journey. No one will take care of you except you. So learn how to be with just yourself. It's important.

6. Take lots of pictures.
It's so amazing to look back at them. It's the closest thing to turning the clock back.

7. Don't allow fear to make decisions for you.
Our own minds can be our worst enemies. Don't deprive yourself of an experience because fear sets in. You'll be amazed at how proud you'll feel after you conquer your fear.

8. Learn how to play either tennis or golf.
These are social sports that will provide you with life altering opportunities. People you'll meet. Places you'll see. The list is endless.

9. Always know how to swim and ice skate.
You don't have to be great. But one day you'll realize these two sports are a matter of safety. You have to know how to swim and skate. You don't have to be good at it.

10. Exercise regularly.
Although many people believe I exercise a lot so I can eat whatever I want or because I have some chronic form of body dysmorphia, it's not true. I exercise so that I can remain a active part of your lives for years and years to come. Along with cardiovascular health, you'll gain balance, strength, endurance, mobility, improved bone density, self-confidence, mental acuity, improved blood circulation, and a sense of independence.

11. Eat what your body needs, then enjoy what you crave.
Don't fill yourself with junk and then have no room for the fuel and essential vitamins your body needs. Eat those first. Then indulge a little.

12. Own up to your mistakes.
We all make them. You'll move past them with grace if you look someone in the eye and admit your mistake. Pretending it didn't happen causes huge amounts of angst. Ugh, it just feels SO much worse.

13. Become friends with your "issues."
We all have them. Yours are not the same as mine, or anyone else's, but we all have things that separate us from others or make us feel weird, different, high maintenance, or cooky. Become friends with the ones that'll never change. Once you accept them, others will, too.

14. Smile.
People gravitate towards other happy people. If you walk in a room with a smile, you'll be welcomed anywhere. Smiles are like mental currency. They're contagious, generous, and food for the soul. You can make someone's day by simply smiling as you pass them. And you can improve your own mood by smiling through a hard time.

15. Take mental snapshots of amazing moments.
Life is hard. It's not fair. And sometimes it's downright unbearable. But it's also amazing. And filled with incredible moments. Recognize those moments. Take a deep breath and a mental snapshot when you're feeling like life doesn't get better than "this." Recall those snapshots when you're going through a hard time. They'll help you get through it.

The other day my daughter was in the bathroom while I was getting dressed. She looked at me with a stressed forehead and a look of pain.
"Mommy, I don't know how to tell you this, but that sports bra makes your back look fat."

Time stopped.

I work hard on my body. I've battled my own image in the past. Fought through years of body dysmorphia and come out on the other end safely. I work in the fitness industry and have chiseled friends and co-workers. That's not what drives me. Being fit, truly fit and strong, now that to me is a lifelong passion.

I want to be able to get on the floor with my grandchildren and not worry about getting up. I want to travel with my husband when the kids fly from the nest, and still be able to hike a mountain or swim in the ocean.

My kids hear me say repeatedly that what matters most is your health. But society's pull to the dark side has recently been tugging at my 6 year-old.

So as much as I always say I want to be fit, and as many times as she's witnessed me accepting compliments graciously about my figure, only to have me correct her thinking immediately with a whisper, "it's nice to hear, but what matters is how fit and strong I am." In that moment, it wasn't about that. It wasn't about being fit or strong. It was my opportunity to give my daughter the gift of a lifetime: the ability to love and accept her body, imperfections and all.

Only, I didn't know how to do it. I had no idea what to say. And to be honest, I desperately wanted to change my shirt before I even peeked.

So I turned around to see what she saw. Glanced quickly and spun back around. I could see how badly she felt telling me about my imperfection. I wanted to relieve that, too. I didn't want to give up on my belief that strong and fit is a better goal than skinny or chiseled, but that wasn't really the battle I was facing. This was me against society. And I was NOT gonna lose.

As my eyes met back with hers, it came to me. I had to acknowledge my imperfection and re-categorize it. I had to take it out of the bucket of "bad stuff" and put it on a shelf labeled, "what makes me human."

"Oh, yeah, I don't care about that. I don't need to be perfect. I still love how I look."

10,000 tons of stress left her forehead. She smiled ear-to-ear and said, "I love how you look, too, Mommy."

And then...poof...the moment was over.

My family and I drove into the mountains in North Carolina, then drove to Charleston, South Carolina and back to Charlotte, North Carolina. These were the random thoughts I had along my journey.

1 You and your husband can grow your hair out and both wear pony tails down to your butt when you go out for a nice McDonalds dinner at the truck stop.

2. "Bless your heart" has more than one meaning. And they're actually opposites.

3. The trees are confused in the winter. Some have no leaves on full tree-lined streets and others trees on the next block have decided to keep their leaves. I'm guess it's cuz they remember from last year that it's gonna be 80 again soon.

4. Wholesome does not mean low fat, at all. In the mountains, you can find amazing farm to table restaurants with all organic food and beverages, including all the organic oil and chicken fat you want. But don't ask for cooking spray or you'll be thrown off the mountain.

5. There are some incredible gas stations that have DQ, Wendy's and Dunkin Donuts all in one. My children wanted to live there.

6. If you ever need to shower you can come to the Kwick Pit where they serve dinner AND offer a shower. You just have to wait for your number to be announced.

7. Waffle House is taking over the country. There are more Waffle Houses than Starbucks. But man do they need a branding session with a good designer. You-gull-ee!-ist brand I've ever seen.

8.Neither of my kids have good singing voices and they rarely stop talking unless they're singing.

9. The rest of the country would benefit from having rocking chairs everywhere, too. There's something comforting about them.


10. Cheesy grits and shrimp might sound DISGUSTING but they are AMAZING. Just like how I thought this trip was gonna be a nightmare and it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life.

Dear woman who stuck her head in my car to see what it was like,

I know you were appalled. It was pretty bad. My car is my mode of survival. As a working mom, I throw EVERYTHING I need for the entire day in my car somewhere. Which means, snacks, water bottles, my kids necessities for whatever activity that day, workout clothes, work stuff, anything I need to bring to someone or God knows what else. It all starts out nice and neat. (Lie) I mean I put it all in organized compartments. (Lie) And I take everything out each night. (Lie)

The truth is, I mean to and want to keep my car neat and tidy. But that either means I clean it every night or fight with my kids to clean it. I know you think I should do both. I saw it in your judging eyes. But take a peek in my car at 6:30 pm after we get home from activities. The mountain of crap that's piled up and crumbled to the floor is overwhelming. I still need to make dinner. The kids haven't started homework. Everyone smells like taco meat. And I'm likely desperate for a shower, too. Cleaning my car is not my first priority. And fighting my kids, well...let's be honest...homework is a fight that doesn't need any fuel. I say I'll do it in the morning, But then morning comes. Ugh, it's all there waiting for me and I barely have time to make it to work. No time to clean.

So if you peek in my car, on most days, it looks like someone's messy front closet and the crumbs from a Cheese It's bag are having a party. And as much as I'm mortified that there's an old hot chocolate cup from Starbucks in one of the kids cup holders, I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. Something always has to give. So peek away. Cuz I know that somewhere in your life chaos plagues you, too. It has to. No one has it all under control.

This week Scott is in Hong Kong. I can't begin to tell you the ways I've realized he helps me with the kids. So I thought I'd list a few of my failures so far, or as I like to call them: sanity savers:

Hair unbrushed. Realized as we walk to the bus.

Teeth brushed, one night won't kill you.

Showered? Well other countries believe it's bad to shower EVERY day.

Anyone had a vitamin today? Nope.

Sure, Sami, you can pull your pants out of the dirty clothes.

Dishwasher rehash cuz of time constraints on unloading. Lie. I was just too tired.

Yes you can skip dance today.

What laundry?

Beds were slept in perfectly. Why make them this week.

If you have any concerns, I assure you they are valid. However we are all fed, no one smells and at least their underwear is clean. I think. :/

Have you ever been betrayed?

It sucks. 

It's like a big black hole you can't fill. A thirst that can never be quenched. A need that can't ever be fulfilled. 

Betrayal looks like an invisible mask. It's dark and unappealing. Every time you look at the face of your betrayer, all you see is that mask. It's almost gruesome.

Betrayal is lloud. And infuriating. When your betrayer talks, it's all you hear. And in your head, it's all you can think about. 

It's ever present.

Betrayal is blind sighting. You can't see true betrayal coming. Like something that falls on you from above. Or sideswipes you unexpectedly. 

It's physical. It takes your breath away. The moment you realize it happened, the air stops circulating in the room. It feels like someone punched you in the stomach. It hurts. Aches. A lot.

Betrayal is like unwinding a pretzel. Breaking something in half. Or ruining a favorite shirt. It's unfixable. Finite. 

Which is why, it really sucks. 

My parents moved out of their house this week. Not just any house, the house I had my third birthday party at and graduated from preschool at. The house I had water balloon fights in the backyard of, built snowman in front of and played endless games of Atari and "Red light, Green light" at. The house where at night my mom would flicker the outside lights when it was time for us to come inside (cuz at that time stranger danger lived in bushes and only came out in the daytime). The same house I got my first private phone line in, watched every episode of Beverly Hills 90210 in and had my first beer in. You know, the same house with the same garage where the car I totaled when I got my drivers' license lived and the one I stumbled in drunk weekend after weekend in high school and during college summers. But it was also the same house I collapsed at after my first day at my first job. As well as the house I later had all my wedding gifts shipped to and my son's bris at. It was MY house. My parents simply paid the mortgage.

So I stood on the driveway after cleaning  out 40 years of toiletries in the bathroom and crying over packing up books that I read to my kids as babies (who are now 8 3/4 as he puts it and 6 going on 16). And then I realized how absolutely creepy it is that my kids are still having Sunday night dinners and Passover sedars at the same house I went through puberty in. I'm starting to see where I get my inability to adapt to change from. I mean, seriously? At 42 I was moving my parents out of the same empty house I remember moving into at 3 years old. Am I the only one who thinks that's insane?

But I will say this house has done a great job. It's walls hugged our family for 4 decades through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood. In fact, I have dirt under my nails from all four decades to prove it. 

Good bye, House. No one will ever love you like I did. Even if it was kind of an unhealthy relationship. 

Feeling unmotivated to workout? Spend a day with me and a few of my "mature" clients. They may not win at the "who can lift more" game, but they'll blow you away in the "bring it! category. 

Yes, those same people who shuffle in with a cane, they'll wipe you from wall to wall when it comes to effort. They don't care if they're having a bad day. They're not interested in doing less work. They're not afraid of the weight. Instead, they're legitimately terrified of falling yet they repeat the exercises past my expectations. But not for me. For themselves. Fatigue feels like life to them, so with every exercise they push through till their muscles are shaking and hit failure. As I hold their hands I can feel their bodies tremble with determination to get every last rep executed perfectly. Hell yeah, they earn their breaks, their water and my respect over and over again. They're not trying to out-train a bad diet, be 17 again or look good in a bathing suit. Instead, they're trying to out-slip the ice patches in the parking lot, keep their "grandparent babysitter status" active and be able enjoy life to the fullest. They're motivated all on their own to push through, challenge themselves and remain committed. 

I'm honored to be a part of each workout and help these brave souls face their fears and make life-altering strides. It is intense. And to be honest, I can't help but feel like a huge effing baby after watching these champions "bring it" every time.